Lia

Angela - age 23
2006


A month before my due date my mother told me she would be unable to come for my labor and delivery because my father had fallen very ill. When she told me that I become unsettled about the upcoming delivery. I really wanted to have a natural birth but suddenly was very nervous. I had no idea what to expect and now my mom (who had delivered 7 children naturally) was not going to be there to coach me through it. All the reading and classes I had done suddenly seemed distant and I feared that in the moment I would panic and forget everything. I wondered if I really could do this without medicine. Sure women did it all the time, but the only image I personally had of labor was from the movies of women screaming in pain. Also I had attended and filmed my older sister's birth of her son. But she had an epidural and throughout my entire pregnancy had tried convincing me that was the way to go.


One day in expressing my growing worry to my husband Mark he for the first time told me he was unsure he would be able to tolerate being in the room while I delivered. He reassured me he would be at the door, but not right by me, after seeing the birth video's they showed at our birthing class he was genuinely worried about fainting. I looked him in the eyes and said "If I have to be there, you have to be there." But he planted a seed of doubt in my mind that this just might be as bad as everyone makes it out to be. Mark then suggested hiring a doula. We had heard about them in our Lamaze class. I started calling around right away. But with only two weeks' notice all the douals already had clients at that time. After a dozen calls I started to feel very discouraged. Then the last doula I called said she had a student doula that had never done a birth on her own but she was confident in her abilities and gave me Gina's number. I decided to call her, and then meet her. Gina came to our home, asked me a bunch of questions, I asked her a bunch of questions. She knew just wat to say to a first time mom who was scared, very excited, and in need of encouragement. She then helped me develop a birth plan. For the first time I felt calm and in control.


Ten days after meeting Gina I woke up at 12:30am with extreme back pain. It was a constant stinging, burning, throbbing sensation and hurt like the dickens. I was not sure what was happening and decided to take a warm bath in an attempt to calm my spasming muscles. After an hour in the tub I felt much better and decided to go back to bed. Just as I drifted off to sleep the back pain came back with a vengeance, but this time only lasted 30 seconds. At this point I wondered if it could be labor. The dull back pain was always there but every 10 min. it would flair up for 30 seconds and then calm down, but never left completely. Finally at 2:45am I woke Mark up. I had not planned on waking him yet but when a particularly strong contraction hit I suddenly did not want to go through the pain alone. Mark grabbed his watch and a piece of paper and started timing. For about an hour the contractions where consistently 10 min. apart. Mark recommended I call Gina and tell her what was going on. At 3:30am I could tell I wasn't going to fall back asleep and I could no longer stand just lying in bed so I got up and started to walk around the house. To keep myself occupied I started doing light cleaning. Mark reminded me not to wear myself out and to take it easy, but I just had too much adrenalin and my back only felt better if I was moving around. At 6am I felt tired again and thought if this is really labor I should try to sleep while I can. I woke up with contractions a few times but after 30 mins. of lying there they either stopped for a while or I was so tiered I slept right through them.


All that morning, from 2:45 to 6:30am Mark had stayed awake with me, timing contractions, talking to me and helping clean a bit. His leg was in a lot of pain, from his ankle reconstructive surgery and a recent pulled muscle. It was difficult for him to stand for any length of time. He was concerned how he was going to help me through labor without being able to stand. He had a physical therapy appointment at 7am and since I was tired and going to attempt a nap he decided to go hoping they could do something to help him. While I slept he went to PT. His Physical Therapist was able to give him a prescription for the pain. We joke that Mark needed more pain meds to get through labor than I did.


At 11am I was pulled out of my deep slumber by a strong contraction. They were back and slightly closer, now 5 to 7 minutes apart and they felt much stronger. We called Gina to give her an update and she decided to head our direction since she lived almost an hour away. Labor went on much the same from that time on. The back pain had lessened earlier but began to pick up again. In talking with my sister Janae that morning she suggested an enema. She told me that back labor can be caused by constipation. It is common for women to become constipated during labor because the body basically shuts down any functions except labor. I decided to take Janae's advice and do an enema, not the most pleasant thing but was willing to try it if it had any chance of relieving the back pain. A very short while after I felt a noticeable change. The contractions were no longer in my back but completely up front. Who knows if the enema did the trick but either way I was grateful!


By 4:00pm we had finally hit the "5.1.1." meaning contractions where five minutes or less apart, one minute long and had been that way for one hour. I was sure it was time to go to the hospital. In retrospect I wish I would have waited longer before going to the hospital. Laboring at home was much more comfortable. I'm not sure what my urgency for getting there was. A lesson learned for next time. We called Gina and she came to our house. She rubbed my feet while Mark loaded up the car and at 4:30pm we were ready to go. I sat on the couch and started to cry. An overwhelming feeling of excitement came over me. I began to silently cry. Tears streamed down my face. I think I scared Mark, he probably thought I was losing it, but really I was sooo excited and labor really had not been bad at all. Uncomfortable yes but I realized "I CAN DO THIS!"


As we drove to the hospital I was completely confident they would admit me. I was proud of myself that I had waited long enough. I'd heard stories how a laboring mom gets to the hospital and they send her home because she is not progressed far enough. I think I would have cried if they had said I had to go home. We got into observation and I was dilated to a 5. Hurray I could stay, or so I thought until it seemed like it was an eternity there in triage and they wanted me to stay in our 4x6 foot area and hooked up to a monitor. They said it was taking so long because there was a lot of women in labor and they didn't have enough nurses. They told me I could not walk around because they needed to keep the monitor on me and they did not have a cordless monitor in observation. It was awful just laying there. I got really sick and threw up and really just lost all my energy there laying flat in a bed. Gina suggested to get up and walk around. She said they are only suggesting you stay here, but do what you need to do. I was too trained to do as doctor/nurse says and wanted to follow the people that I thought knew what was best for me. I learned a good lesson there that as long as I'm not putting my baby in danger I should listen to my body. If it says get up and walk, get up and walk!


Finally after 90 minutes of waiting we got our own room. The contractions were very hard and only 2-3 minutes apart. I began to break down. I started to worry if I could do this. I told myself to talk positively so every time I wanted to say "I can't do this" I would say out loud "I'm doing this, I'm doing great!" Mark caught on and started telling me I was doing great and encouraging me. Gina suggested taking a bath. We went into the bathroom and to our dismay found only a shower there, no tub. I asked the nurse what was going on, on the tour I know I saw a tub in the delivery room. She said only a few rooms have tubs and those are taken. I was pretty disappointed. I got in the shower, Gina brought in a birthing ball for me to sit on but the water hitting me annoyed me, the echo of people talking in the bathroom annoyed me, standing, sitting....everything was awful. So my relaxing shower just got me all wound up and after 10 min. I decided to get out. Gina tried to get me to walk around but all I wanted to do was crawl into the bed, I was so sleepy. Contractions where coming so fast I wasn't getting a break. I really began to doubt my abilities. While lying in the bed Mark rubbed my lower back, which helped a lot, and Gina rubbed my feet. My nurse who had been busying herself around the room while I tried the whole shower thing, finally came over to introduce herself. She asked if Gina was my sister. I said "No, she is our doula."  A cold breeze swept through the room and my nurse made it very clear that Gina was to stay out of the way and she did not like having her there. Mark then gave the nurse our birth plan we had typed up and asked for her to read it and post it up so that any other nurse or doctor coming would know what we were trying to accomplish. She flat out refused to read it. A few minutes later she came in. She could tell I was not coping well and asked if I wanted some pain medication. I told her no thank you and please don't ask again. I know my options and if I decide I need something I will let you know. If she would have read my short birth plan that was the first sentence!


At 7:00pm the doctor came in. I was sad to find out it was not my normal OB. She had been there earlier but her shift ended and this new doc was now on call. She checked me and I was dilated to a 7 and recommended breaking my water. She said if she did so I would probably have the baby soon after that. She did warn me that contractions would get stronger and I might want an epidural. I said I wanted to do this naturally (in hindsight I should have not had my water broken and made myself get up and walk. Oh well, next time.) I tried to make a decision but everything was getting so unclear and the only words I really heard where "this will make the baby come sooner" I said okay and before I knew it my water was broke. I don't even recall what that felt like. Seconds after she broke my water a contraction hit and hit hard. I did not do a very good job of breathing through it and started to panic. The next two contractions were even worse. I was getting warn out and truly started to doubt my ability in finishing the task. I got scared! My goal for birth was to go natural. I was very set on NOT having an epidural. The thought of that big needle in my back and even worse losing the ability to control my body freaks me out. So epidural was not an option. I would have preferred to not have any medication, but I got to a point where I just wasn't coping well. My unsupportive nurse came up to me and said, "If you want an epidural or any other medication you better get it now or it will be too late." Then she leaned into me and whispered just to me, "You're not a hero for going through the pain." I wonder if she thought this was Mark's idea or my doula's idea to have no meds. NO it was my idea, but at a point when I'm in the worst pain I've ever experienced you give me an out, I'm going to take it.


Now that I have been through this experience once and talked to other women I'm pretty sure I was at the end, I was almost done. I bet I would have pushed the baby out within 30 min, but at the time I just didn't know how much more I could take, and I got to a point where I honestly believed this was my life, I was doomed to hurt like this forever and this baby was stuck in me for good. I had made up my mind no epidural but pain meds yes. Please give me something!!! Somehow in my fuzzy state of mind I decided to take some Stadol. Our nurse told me the Stadol would last about 2 hours and if I had not delivered by then it would be too late to have any more meds, so this was my last chance for an epidural. I was very annoyed that she AGAIN mentioned it. I told myself the pain reliever would be enough and I could do this! And when she said for the second time "it will be too late" I realized it will be too late because baby will be here. I'm close to the end and I CAN do this.
Pain meds always react very strongly with my body. They make me drowsy and nauseated. For this reason I have rarely used them in my life. I asked to only have a half dose. The nurse laughed and said that would not do a thing. I insisted on only a half dose and said if that is not enough then we will do more, but I don't want to be knocked out when it comes time to push. Here Gina again was wonderful. I don't think that Mark or myself would have stood up to the nurse. She would have railroaded us and we would have caved. Gina looked at me and asked, "do you only want a half of a dose" I said "Yes."  Gina then turned to the nurse and instructed her to only do a half. The nurse rolled her eyes and went along. Well half a dose was still too much. Mark said the meds went in my IV and he literally saw my eyes roll to the back of my head. I was out cold. For two hours I slept. I have very fuzzy memory of this time. My knowledge of what happened these two hours comes from Mark and Gina. They said when a contraction would hit my eyes would fly open, they would talk me through it. I apparently responded very well to their promptings of breathe, relax, look at my eyes, focus...and so on. As soon as the contraction started to fade out my eyes would roll to the back of my head and I would again fall fast asleep. I do vaguely remember my CD of music playing in the background when I would wake up for a contraction. The music was great for me to focus on and kind of zone out, or zone into I should say, during the contraction.
Before taking the meds I was in full swing of labor. After the meds my very next contraction, according to the monitor, was weaker and they went from every 2-3 minutes to every 5-7 minutes. I believe that the pain medication slowed down my labor. However, being able to sleep did allow me to build up strength again. At 9:15 pm I woke up and felt the drowsiness lifting. I could tell the Stadol was wearing off. My mind felt more clear and now that I had rested I was coping much better. In a strange way I almost felt as though I was watching myself go through the pain. When a contraction would start I felt like my brain split in two. One half was dealing with the pain and the other half was watching saying "this isn't so bad, I can do this."


I started to feel like I wanted to push and told everyone that. During a contraction I yelled out "I've got to push, I'VE GOT TO PUSH." The nurse responded to my plea by saying "the doctor will be here soon. You'll just have to wait." At first I was okay with waiting thinking it would be soon now but after 15 min of her telling me to WAIT I started to get frustrated. I remember feeling very disoriented and confused why I couldn't push. I have to say not pushing was the HARDEST thing I have ever done. Mark was trying to stay calm but later told me he was getting very angry at watching me in so much anguish and pain just because the doctor wasn't there. Finally after 20 minutes more (which felt like much much longer) the doctor came in. Later we found out that another woman had been giving birth at the same time and I had to wait for her to finish. That made me even angrier, why didn't I just get someone else. I will NOT again wait to push. Mark even said he is willing to catch the baby if ever that situation arises.


I was finally able to push. Mark held my hand the whole time and in between contractions would stroke my face and my hair and tell me I was doing and amazing job, he talked about Lia and how she was almost here and I would be holding her in my arms very soon. He was absolutely amazing! The excitement and love I saw in his face would calm me down and gave me just what I needed to get through the next push. Only after 10 minutes (just 5 contractions) Lia entered into the world. Lia was out and the doctor held her up for me to see. I reached out and touched her perfect hands. I cannot even begin to describe the happiness and joy I felt looking at my daughter. She was absolutely beautiful. She wasn't crying but was breathing well and making sounds and moving her arms and legs like crazy. The doctor then clamped of the umbilical cord and let Mark cut it. That was fun to watch. I thought about just days before when Mark said he might not be able to stay in the room for delivery and here he was cutting the cord. I was amazed at how alert and awake I felt. I kind of expected to crash as soon as she was out, but instead I felt a huge surge of energy while I was pushing and it lasted for quite a while after giving birth. Just the absence of pain was plenty to make me feel great! And I found myself starving for food. It took almost an hour before they brought me a sandwich. Next time I will bring my own food so I don't have to wait.


The after labor stuff was quite unpleasant. No one had ever mentioned that. I guess I thought once the baby was out it was downhill from there. Not so. The after stuff was not as bad as labor of course, but now I know to mentally be prepared for that it next time. They took Lia across the room for a few minutes. I very much disliked being away from her. After nine months of being together it felt very odd to even be a room length apart. Mark was still standing next to me and I asked him to go be with Lia. They weighed her at 8 lbs 8 oz. and 20 3/4 inches long. As the Nurse brought Lia over to me she commented that Lia was the most alert newborn she had ever seen. Gina asked if this was the first delivery she had attended without the use of an epidural. Her answer was yes. Before leaving she came over to me and gave me a small hug and said, "you were amazing."


As I breastfed Lia for the first time she knew just what to do. It felt so natural and the bond I had been making with this new being strengthened tenfold. I think that was the first time it really hit me "I'm a MOM!" At that moment I started to cry just a little and thanked Heavenly Father for this wonderful experience. I said a prayer of thanks for Mark, an amazing husband and now for a healthy baby girl. I had had a wonderful labor with no complications. It was by far the hardest thing I have done in my life, but also the most rewarding. Realizing I was capable of what I just did I looked forward to taking this labor and delivery experience and building on it for our next child.


1. When did you decide you wanted to deliver your baby naturally?
Once I found out I was pregnant I started talking to my sisters about their experiences. I was truly freaked out about an epidural and knew I wanted to avoid that, but unsure if I could go totally unmediated. But the more I learned of natural labor and its benefits to mom and baby I set my mind on that more and more. However, going into my first delivery I was not totally committed. I know I would have not been able to accomplish what I did without Gina, our doula, there to coach my husband and myself.


2. What reasons or factors went into your decision?
At first it was just that I did not want an epidural. As a teenager I had sustained a back injury that caused me to temporarily loose feeling in my legs. It was terrifying. Now with facing labor and delivery to willing ask someone to take away the feeling and control of the lower half of my body was not an option for me. I also do not tolerate medication very well. An aspirin, or Motrin makes me sleepy and sick to my stomach almost immediately. I've never liked pain meds and rarely use them. So that left me with facing natural child birth. And the more I talked to other women that had experienced it, and read as much as I could, th e idea because more and more what I wanted to do.


3. What did you do to prepare for natural childbirth? (midwife, classes, methods, books, etc.)
Mostly I talked to my sisters and my mom. I have both extremes. I have one sister that swears by the epidural and tried to convince me my entire pregnancy that it is the best! Then I have two other sister that between the two of them have birthed 14 children medication free. My husband and I took a Lamaze class offered by the hospital. I found that to be very informative of procedures, & the basics of what to expect, but overall it was not focused on natural birthing. Besides reading all I could and becoming well informed, the best thing I did was hire Gina our doula.


4. What was the hardest part of your experience - before, during, or after childbirth?
By far the worst part was being asked NOT to push until doc could get there. That is like telling someone not to breathe when their body is screaming for a breath of air, or not to vomit when you know it is going to happen. When your body is ready to do push, it just does it. It is the most ridiculous thing to tell a woman to wait!


5. What was most helpful to you during labor to help make pain from contractions manageable?
We did lots of things. I had compiled a CD of my favorite calming songs and that played in the background while at home and at the hospital. When things would get difficult I could focus on the song, the words or different instruments I could hear and the contraction would seem to go by faster. I also found myself moaning a lot. Not even loud enough for anyone more than two feet from me to hear (until the very end that is) but just a low tone deep in my head helped me stay focused and just felt calming to me. Near the end the only thing that could keep me calm was looking straight into my husband's eyes. He became my focal point.


6. What do you wish you would have known going into delivery?
That it wasn't so scary as the movies make it out to be. In my experience the majority of labor is relatively painless. In the beginning the contractions where uncomfortable but only lasted a minute and then I would take the time in between them to relax and get focused for the next one. I guess I really wished I would have been more confident. Our society tells women they just can't do this on their own. That they NEED intervention. I think it is fine if women want an epidural, pain meds or C-section. That is their right. I just wish the medical field was more supportive of a woman who do not wish to have those things, for whatever reason. I felt as though I was the crazy one, that I had to prove that my body was capable. And to be honest until my baby came out I questioned myself the whole time if I could do it.


7. Is there anything you would have done differently?
In retrospect, I wish I would have labored at home longer. It was much more comfortable there! Also I wish I would have trusted my body more, listened to its queues and PUSHED when I felt the need to.


8. What did you feel were the positive benefits to your natural childbirth - were the benefits what you expected?
I did not know what to expect. But I did feel benefits. I was able to get up and take a shower only 1 hour after giving birth. That felt soooo good. The next morning I felt great. I was up and walking around. I saw other women on the recovery floor walking around with their babies like it hurt to walk. It felt great for me to walk and was not uncomfortable at all. It did hurt to sit (those hospital beds are awful!) I was just amazed at how great I felt.


9. Is natural childbirth something you recommend to other mothers, or something you'd do again?
Yes and YES. It is a decision for every women to make individually. I really encourage women to find out all their options, to be well informed so that they are making their decision not someone making it for them. I will most definitely do natural delivery again. Hopefully totally medication free next time. However with that said I will always stay open and know my options.
10. What advice do you have for other mothers interested in natural childbirth?
I learned that the people you have around you are so important. It is a must to have supportive people with you. I am grateful for the Nurse and doctor that attended Lia's birth. I know they only had the best of intentions for me. However, I more importantly learned that I need to listen to my body and most delivery nurses and OBGYN's are not trained for natural labor, nor do they (at least at my labor) know how to fully support it. Next time I want to build a support team that doesn't just tolerate my natural labor but encourages it.