Saige

Angela - age 27
2010


June 16th I started to have consistent contractions every 20-30min for over 4 hours. I wondered if labor may be beginning but also knew it could be like it was with Ethan, having contractions off and on for over two weeks before he was born. So I didn't get my hopes up too much. Friday, June 18th at my prenatal visit I learned that those contractions were doing something. I was dilated to a 3 and 75% effaced, so labor was close. All throughout this pregnancy my midwife talked about how I big Ethan was (10.4 lbs.) and how they would do things to naturally induce labor before my due date. I had a whole list of things to do. My midwife also began to suspect that my uterus was tilted. This may have been the case with Ethan but not to the extent that she could tell at that time. Now it was very difficult for her to check dilation because the uterus was tilted so far. This also may be the cause of my contractions starting and stopping. Because the baby is not pushing in the right spot to help labor really get going.


At the June 18th appointment the plan was that my midwife would strip the membranes and if I went another week they would discuss starting me with Pitocin or break my water so that I would have a baby under 10 lbs. They said they would let me go up to my due date but did not want me to go over like I had previously. Well I arrived at the appointment and after feeling my belly and taking measurements my midwife just didn't think size was a worry yet. She decided not to strip my membranes and sent me home. I was disappointed at the change in plans and for the first time I realized how worried I was of another big baby and problems at delivery. I trusted my midwife and decided to put labor out of my mind, it will happen when it happens. Baby has to come out sometime...right?


Four days passed uneventfully and then Sunday evening it hit. Not labor, unfortunately, but this sent me over the edge to "I'm done being pregnant!" What sent me over the edge was the worst heartburn I have ever experienced. It was terrible. I have a pretty high tolerance for pain. I've gone through natural labor and delivery twice (and still wanted to do it again). I can handle a little pain. But this was unlike anything I had ever experienced before. My whole chest burned and at the same time I felt overwhelmingly nauseated and began to throw up for 2 hours. First thing in the morning I called my midwife and told her what had happened. She advised to come right in. My symptoms could mean my blood pressure had significantly dropped. When I arrived at the clinic my blood pressure was lower than normal but not so low she was worried. She said this is sometimes a sign labor is close. My due date was 4 days away. I asked if she was still thinking of inducing. She said in her opinion the baby was not as large as my son was. She felt it would be better to let labor happen on its own unless I went a week over, then we will talk about inducing. I couldn't understand the change in what she was telling me. This whole pregnancy the midwives (all four of them at that clinic) talked about not letting me get to my due date. They talked about not wanting to let me have a 10 lb baby again and now they were totally changing. Yes they said the baby was smaller. But I was still very worried. How did they know for sure. We didn't do another ultrasound, but they were just so confident. She did say she would strip my membranes now. She checked me and I had progressed since my appointment only 5 days before.
She could tell the baby had dropped, I was dilated to a 4. Before leaving Gloria, the midwife seeing me that day, said that if I had not had the baby by the next morning she was on call at the hospital for deliveries and I could come into the hospital between 10-11am and she would induce me. I was grateful for that but really hoped my body would get going on its own.


My sister had come with me to this appointment. I was very grateful for her to be there. Contractions did start almost immediately after stripping the membranes. They were about 10 min apart and I was grateful my sister was there to drive home. She also kept my spirits high and helped me stay positive and we laughed the whole way home. I was so ready to have this baby and not be pregnant anymore.


That night came and went, with lots of heartburn, no contractions and no baby. When I got up in the morning while I got kids breakfast and dressed I started to have contractions again. But they were not regular and did not hurt at all. I figured they where Braxton Hicks. I called Gina, our doula, to ask her opinion and just to talk through my options. Option one: stay home and wait it out. Option two: go to the hospital get checked again and from there decide to go back home or stay and be induced. I really wanted labor to start on its own but was also nervous of going another week and having another huge baby. If I didn't go in when Gloria was on call that meant waiting till my next appointment. I decided to go to the hospital. I was in constant turmoil. Was I making the right decision?


Gina said she would meet us at the hospital in a few hours. We dropped off the kids at my sisters, and headed for the Hospital. I felt silly going to the hospital not really even in labor. What was I doing? My midwife said she was confident the baby was smaller. But could I take another night of that heartburn? My throat all the way down my chest ached. I was willing to go through that if baby wasn't ready to come. I was only two days from the due date now. She should be fully developed. All the signs were there, my body was just not taking that last step. If I waited I know things would eventually happen but...but...but. Mark my poor husband had to listen to all this on our way. I was so nervous. Was I really doing the best thing for the baby? The end of pregnancy is so emotionally and physically draining! I can see why scheduled deliveries are nice in that way. It takes the waiting guessing game out of it. My emotions kept going back and forth from "let's do this" to "let's go home and just wait it out" Ugh! If I could go back I would have just made up my mind and stop torturing myself (and Mark) with guilt and indecision.


We were checked into observation just after 11:00am and they hooked me up to a monitor to track contractions. Gina was already there and waiting. Gloria came in to see if I was in labor or there to be induced. I told her how the night and morning had gone. I wondered if she could strip my membranes again and let me walk for a while. If things didn't pick up then we would start Pit or break my water. Gloria finally checked my progress and though dilation was still at a 5 she said I had progressed in other ways. The baby had dropped more (now at -2 station) and I was more effaced and the water sack was bulging (which it had not been the day before). Gloria then checked the monitor and was a bit shocked that I was having contractions every 2 1/2 minutes. I was also surprised to hear that because I was only feeling them every 5 to 10 min. Gloria then said she did not think I needed Pitocin. She suggested to go walk around for a bit and then she would come check on me in an hour. I started to feel kind of silly again. What if this really was labor but just the beginning. I really didn't want to be at the hospital for 10+ hours laboring. I would rather be at home. Why had I been so crazy to come this morning to be induced. I was at the end of the pregnancy the baby would come soon. Maybe I should just go home. But then again what if I went another week like this. The baby could grow another pound in that time, and I was not looking forward to another major heart burn night. A few minutes after Gloria had left the room I felt fluid. I wondered if my water had broke put it was not enough for that. I then felt like I had to go to the bathroom so I stood up. More escaped. I'd read about the mucus plug (oh that even sounds gross to say) but never noticed anything like that with my other pregnancies. But for sure I had lost it, the plug that is. Then after going to the bathroom I had the strongest contraction yet. I decided to stay at the hospital.


12:45pm We were finally checked into a delivery room. We put our bags down and hit the halls for walking and marching. The baby march looks funny but is sure effective for getting things going. We walked the halls for about an hour then went back to the room for baby to be monitored for 10 min. and for me to get my I.V. stent in. I love that this hospital is fine with me not having an I.V. because that gets annoying to have to lug around when walking the halls or getting in the tub. We then returned to marching the hallways. 2:00pm Gloria came in to check progression. She said I was now a good 6. She suggested breaking my water and said in her opinion the baby would come fast after that. I was extremely nervous to make that decision. If I really would have the baby fast I was all for it. But if it turned out to be like the horror stories I'd heard and I ended up laboring for hours and hours and hours with horrible contractions...well I didn't want that so much. I took a moment, said a prayer and asked if this would be a good thing for me and especially for baby. I felt a positive confirmation that this was okay and gave Gloria the okay.


For thirty minutes or so we sat around and talked and laughed. Gina recalled fun stories of my previous deliveries. Mark got the music playing in the background. We have put a list of a couple hundred songs together for our first child's labor and delivery and have used this same CD (with a few new songs added each time) for each delivery. It really helps me relax and I love the calming fun atmosphere the music brings to the room. Contractions were still not hurting at all. It felt slightly uncomfortable to sit while I was having a contraction so whenever one began I would stand up. But once standing I could barely feel it. At 3:00pm my body finally decided to pick up the pace. For the first time I had to concentrate a bit and remind myself to relax during a contraction. Then the next one came and I asked Mark to push on my hips (like Gina had taught him at my second child's birth). A few more stronger contractions came and went and suddenly I felt very tired. In between contractions I was so relaxed that I felt as though I could fall over into a deep sleep. I leaned over the bed for a minute, then sat on the birthing ball for a few minutes, squatted with the squat bar and circled my hips for a bit, then finally tried leaning on Mark but I was just so tired. I said out loud to Mark and Gina, "Oh man I'm so tired, I just want to sleep." Gina started to chuckle and said it must be getting close. Gina commented that she was noticing a pattern with me. When I get close to transition I get sleepy. At the time I was kind of upset with her for saying that because I in no way thought I was close. How could she say something like that and get my hopes up. I was sure I had at least hours to go. I'd only had a dozen strong contractions, I was NO where near delivery much less transition.


The nurse came in the room and said she wanted to monitor baby for a minute. I decided to lay down while she did that and try to sleep. I was just so tired! As I lay there I felt like I would fall asleep at any second. But before I could really drift off into a relaxing slumber contractions kicked up a notch. Before breaking my water I could feel contractions but they were not at all painful. Maybe slightly uncomfortable but that was all. After breaking my water I didn't even have a contraction for 15 min. Those 15 min were very nice to have a break and to rest for a few minutes, however every minute that passed without a contraction I got more and more worried. I had thought, "what have I done!" I practically had myself convinced that this was going to be a long long labor. I had them break my water before my body was truly ready and when labor gets going it's going to be long and hard. While laying in the bed trying to sleep and being monitored another 5 min passed and then contractions again picked up the intensity. I almost jumped out of the bed. Mark saw I was trying to get up and quickly helped me to my feet. I rocked back and forth with my arms around Mark's neck as he supported my weight through the 90 second contraction. After that one I really started to panic. What have I done! Surprisingly Mark and Gina remember this part very differently. They said I was so quiet and focused. Gina said she could tell the contractions were hard but by my reaction to them she thought they were still on the mild side. Later when I told them inside I was totally freaking out they both said they never would have guessed because I was so quiet and focused. Next I felt like walking, and I still felt soooooo sleepy. I could hardly keep my eyes open. It was almost just like Ethan's birth at this point. I paced the room back and forth, back and forth while leaning on Mark's shoulder with his arm around my waist guiding me around the room while I kept my eyes shut. 


 In the background I could hear Gina filling up the bathtub and Gloria was getting some things ready for delivery. I was slightly annoyed at them for doing those things. We had talked about waiting for me to get into the tub until I was close to delivery. With Ethan I think I got in too soon and then the water got cold after an hour and I got uncomfortable and wanted out so I missed a water birth with him. Which was fine, but if I really wanted a water birth this time we had decided it was best to wait until I was close to delivery. So I was frustrated that they were getting things ready. Didn't they realize labor was hard because my water had been broken. NOT because I was close. I was convinced I had hours and hours of this left to go. Gina came and said the bath was ready I could get in anytime. I thought to myself that getting in the warm water did sound nice and maybe I'd just try it out for a while and then I could get out and walk again. I was mentally preparing myself for hours of this.
3:30pm I got into the water. Almost immediately my contractions felt even stronger, longer, and closer together. I felt like they were coming right on top of each other. But the water did feel good in between contractions and really soothed my muscles. For a while I was doing great breathing through each contraction and relaxing until 3:57pm I started to feel a lot of pressure. I was still totally in denial that delivery was close. Contractions started to almost melt one into another. They would come so fast I couldn't get in a comfortable position. Mark kept trying to help me but I was basically just crawling around the tub. I really started to panic and was NOT coping well. At 4:20pm I said out loud, "I don't think I can do this." Still thinking I had a long road ahead of me I had decided to ask for something to help with the pain. Gina called out my name. A couple times I think before I actually registered she was talking to me. I looked her straight in the eyes with a pleading to HELP ME! She locked eyes with me and said, "Angela this is it, you're almost done." I searched her face wanting so much to believe her and said, "how do you know?!!!" Gina later told me she didn't know whether to laugh or cry right then. My pleading eyes and her having naturally delivered her children, she knew what I was going through, but also wanting to laugh at my stubbornness to not except this was it. She said when I looked at her she could tell I really had convinced myself I had a while to go.


Our midwife Gloria then gave the go-ahead that I could do a water birth. Before breaking my water she had talked to us about not doing a water birth. Because of how my last delivery went, with my son getting shoulder dystocia, she wanted me by the bed again so I could move around if that became an issue. Mark had not heard Gloria say I could stay in the water and was getting very nervous. He kept asking "do we need to get her out now?!" He tried to help me stand up a few times but another contraction would come and I would sink back down into the water. His face looked stressed and worried to me. Not calm and supportive and reassuring like the other deliveries. I knew he was worried for me and worried I may hemorrhage again. I thought to myself I would get out for him, so he didn't have to worry so much. He just looked so scared and that was scaring me.


 Just as I was about to ask for help out a very hard contraction came. I felt like I was crawling all around in circles trying to get comfortable, or trying to crawl away from whatever was hurting me. Then suddenly I was pushing. I don't recall this but later Gina told me that I yelled out "I'm Pushing!" Gloria told me to reach down and feel the baby's head. My first thought was "I can do that?" For some reason that felt so empowering. I felt her head and finally I realized THIS IS IT. I don't have hours to go. All at once I relaxed, I felt my tense body almost melt into the pain and I felt in control. The next contraction came and I pushed with everything I had. I so wanted the pain to stop and as I pushed the pain just melted away. This has happened with all three of my deliveries. When I can finally push everything disappears. I feel so far away and cannot hear or really comprehend anyone around me. I am just slightly aware of peoples presents but they seem so distant. Especially this time more than the other two. I felt as though there was a bubble around me and only I and the new child exist
4:31pm With only one long push I delivered a beautiful baby girl. Gloria said, reach down and get your baby. I remember seeing the baby almost just flouting in the water. She looked so peaceful. I reached down into the water and was the first person to touch her. I have to say that was an amazing feeling. I did that! I was about to bring baby Saige up out of the water when Gloria reached out quickly and stopped me. She held Saige just below the surface and said in the most calm voice, "oh wait, the cord is wrapped around her neck." For a second I was scared, when you hear that it usually means trouble. Gloria calmly unwrapped the cord three times and then let me proceed to bring Saige up to my chest.
Oh the relief. I was done. Here was my baby. I laid back in the tub, relaxing, holding Saige. No suctioning the baby, no whisking her away (like they did with my first child). Everyone just seemed to let me be with her. I noticed something very different in the few minutes after this delivery. With my first two deliveries within seconds after birth I would start to shake. My whole body would quiver and within a minute or two I would be very cold and achey. I'm not sure if it was the water or something else but that did not happen this time. I felt wonderful. Saige and I just laid in the water for 20 minutes while the cord stopped pulsing and I nursed her. She was so awake and alert and so beautiful. She weighed 8.5 lbs and 19 3/4 inches long. Jet black hair, big round eyes, and red lips. Mark said she looked like a little baby Snow White. My heart sang with gratitude as I said a prayer thanking Heavenly Father for another precious child.


To view a photo montage of Saige's birth go here.


3. What did you do to prepare for natural childbirth? (midwife, classes, methods, books, etc.)
I did not do much to prepare this time. I didn't re-read my books. My doula Gina came to my house and talked to me but I felt confident at that time and didn't really discuss even the basics with her. I think if I have another child I will make sure to always do a refresher course. I believe I had forgotten the stages of labor and the cues to look for and that is one of the reasons I just was not convinced I was at the end. Looking back now it seems silly I felt that way. So next time I will take a class or re-read my birthing books and talk more extensively with Gina.


4. What was the hardest part of your experience - before, during, or after childbirth?
Mentally the hardest part was deciding what to do, and if I was making good choices. I unnecessarily put myself through a lot of grief. Hopefully after this I've learned to just calm down. Physically: well this labor was so different. I really had it great. Before my water was broke I was in labor I guess but it did not hurt at all. After my water broke it was more what I expected but still relatively undemanding. Only the last 30 min was challenging and when I got to the point that I thought I could not take it any longer, I was ready to push and it was over within minutes.


5. What was most helpful to you during labor to help make pain from contractions manageable?
Walking again was my best way of getting through transition (though I didn't realize this time I was that far progressed). I learned this time that my mental state is very important. If I'm not able to focus on something then I don't relax well.


6. What do you wish you would have known going into delivery?
After two natural births I thought I had it down. But with this delivery I think the most valuable lesson I learned is my mental state has a huge impact on how I well I can handle laboring. I wish I would have known to have patience and just wait for baby to come on her own time. I realize now how much of my previous delivery I was holding onto. I should have trusted my midwife when she said she was sure the baby was not too big. It all turned out wonderfully but I do wish I would have just calmed down and enjoyed the process more.


7. Is there anything you would have done differently?
Yes, I would have waited for labor to start itself and not have worried about it so much. Easy to say in hindsight but that is what I will do next time (if there is one :0)


8. What did you feel were the positive benefits to your natural childbirth - were the benefits what you expected?
It was a lot of pain but really for less than two hours. So for me the benefit was a fast delivery, and then I felt amazing afterwards. The next morning I was up and not just walking around but walking around with little to no discomfort. And baby Saige was so alert. All my babies have been great nursers from really the second they are born. I've read that can be a benefit of natural deliveries, and if so I am grateful for that.


10. What advice do you have for other mothers interested in natural childbirth?
If you are at all considering it Just do it! You won't regret it! Well I hope not anyway :0)

1 comment:

  1. I featured this blog in my weekly roundup of my favorite blogs this week.

    thanks for the inspiration!

    have a great weekend.

    -Chelsea

    www.usthreebirds.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete